ARGH! today is the kenna bully day huh?!
actually had lot to say, but after toking to marcus (complaining all the time), sorta vented out most of my frustrations over some ppl.
a theory of life: be kind and u get the blame n trouble upon urself?!
before i start complaining again, i guess no one will understand dis entry except jo n mayb ling will understand some of it. N sry to 'those' who read this when u are not meant to, hope it wont cause hurt in any sense. but nth's wrong with me complaining in my OWN blog.
it all started from trying to be nice and help 某人. y was i so partial? carrying the tot tt it shld be fair n credits shld go to those tt did tried to do sth. but im wondering, Vivian, were u tt helpful cos u sticked to ur principle or was it over some dumb reason?! wadever the case, im starting to sense the favoritism tt i once believed she said she dont practice.
the story goes:
It was breaktime in the canteen when Vivian was bombarded with smses from her HT.
the lastest msg states: 'can u tell me who r the leaders for the hdb cip?'
Vivian's reply: 'me, jo, ling, 有人, james, 某人'cher's reply: '某人? how so? wad abt stef?'Vivian's OS: 'LOL! 某人 was suaned!! haha. but wad has it gotta do with stef?'Vivian decided to take the cleverest move (not sure if it was), to show the sms to 某人 and get him to teach me how to reply, to avoid misunderstanding so tt i wont get the blame. haiz, then 某人 jus gave me the emo look and said sth like "if she dun tink i was the leader, then let it be lor"
Vivian's OS: "wads ur prob? tt time u were whining abt y u wasnt the leader, then now? smart la, push everything back to me again. n then u emo, now i dunno if i did the right thing."In cls, after she dismissed everyone. she called for stef, james n i to stay back. i knew clearly tt it was sth to do with cip.
her 1st qn: 'how did 某人 got involved as one of the leaders?'Vivian's reply: 'i was toking to him online, n he said he dun mind joining us in planning.'her 2nd qn: 'why wasnt stef involve in the planning?'Vivian's OS: 'y do u ask me? shouldnt u ask stef tt? he shld noe it best!'Vivian's reply: 'cos i tot initially u put ling, james n I to be in-charge'her reply: 'and stef!'Vivian totally 4got y stef wasnt part of the team, she only rmbed tt cher did say get him to help out. it was when Vivian talked to marcus tt she realised she did msg stef for all planning sessions n he jus didnt attend them. so the cls cant possibly delay the cip cos of him alone. we have to move on. mayb tt was y he was left out.
Vivian's reply: 'hm, i did pass down a piece of paper for the cls to indicate if they want to jus participate in the cip or also help in planning'wad i hate most is to see him giving tt 'innocent, act cute look', as if the entire world shld be blamed except him. then everything also 'i dunno! got meh?' then james, he jus sat there, kept quiet. wad is dis, forcing me to face them all alone?
stef's said: 'huh. got orh?'I felt so lucky at tt time tt i packed the cip file so as to use it for chem.
Vivian's reply: 'i tink i still have the piece of paper.'N Vivian won! haha... silence was all tt remained... (it makes me happy when jo, ling n marcus 'wow' over wad i said, haha)
moving on...
she said: 'hm u all need to write a report for the cip'Vivian's reply: 'huh, i wrote it long time ago, it's with mr tan.' (tt was like the fourth to fifth time Vivian has told her tt)
she then said: 'oh ok, but for marymount also have to write. so mayb the 3 of u can...' after a few secs,
'so who's gg to write?'Silence once again... obviously it will be Vivian who is gg to write it since the 2 of them didnt even go for it.
So Vivian said: 'I'll write.'END of story.
so Vivian end up having to do everything herself again. she's v thankful to jo hsuan for being so nice, willing to help her with the proposal while she writes the report.
Thank You!wad i dun understand is y was she so concerned over stef not being one of the leaders n questioning 某人 to be a leader? to me, i even put 有人 down as one of the leaders, so it's only fair to include 某人 too since he contributed much more s compared to 有人. if we seriously wants to draw a clear line, i tink jo n i shld deserve the credits. we didnt whine nor complain abt how much we have to do while the rest jus sat there, slack and gets the title. (lingling, i noe tt u did want to help jus tt u were busy with fencing, so dun take it to heart k!) so weighing it, more unfair to jo n i or to stef?? all thanks to 某人, i got all this dumb stupid stuff upon myself n ruin my entire day. worse, reminding me of how i was exploited last year over pw, project sphere and so on, even in cca... I had the responsibilities all on me. with regards to cip, for good or bad, ASK VIVIAN! wah! wad easy 2 words to be used. One man show is not sth fun to work with. do i look tt kind or rather good to be bullied?!
I'm sry to say, but wads the purpose of a pccg? y did i end up being the one responsible for both cls cip. I'm jus a nobody in cls... a child at one small corner of her own. nobody knows or understands her. an individual tt is afraid n feels really bad criticising ppl as she knows tt she's not perfect either. but i tink she has reached her limit, she needa vent them all out. get dis clear, u'r the pccg, a role much more prestigious than a rep. so y aint u fulfilling ur duty yet fighting over the role s a rep? mayb u meant well, u are just being helpful, n i pretty much believe tt's jus the case n grateful for ur helpfulness. but sometimes u shld jus learn to draw the line.
mayb i was jus too sensitive (which i always am), but i did have dis feeling tt she was picking on me. gauging from the girls getting roles while im the only one with none. but i took it easy, since it means a better sch life, no committment n mayb i jus think too much. jo said today tt wasnt i the chinese rep. yes, i was, but it was cos of the CL t'cher, she recognised me. anw, i tink tt time will prove everything. n time did prove my capability through pw, it was then that she starts to recognise me n i thanks her for tt. for the many encouragements she gave during ptm, n the helps in gp. so 4get the past. it was only until today that the past revisited me n reminded me of the several struggles n lonely encounters last yr.
bullying comes altogether. im typing under the lamp now cos my bro refused to keep the light on, complaining tt it will affect his eyesight cos he's gg to slp. FINE! then maths society president sms to ask abt the othello comp. hello, y me? 3 organisers n u chose to ask me. In the bright side, mayb i look more responsible n trustable. tsktsk.. but it might jus be tt im easily bullied.
marcus said: 'a heart of gold is of a heavy weight'. hm, lets c... he said i shld jus stand up and fight for my RIGHTS. tts so true, wad was i afraid of?? mayb im jus afraid of being laughed at, criticised or worst, being ignored. it's all jus a matter of face. the thickness of my skin jus dun come at the right time. tts all i can blame myself on. Like wad the speaker had said in the career talk today, speaking up is more impt than anything else. U fail to speak up, u fail to survive. So stop BMW-ing abt y u r the one doing everything and sticking to ur post while the one tt does nth gets all the promotions. BLAME IT ON YOURSELF! because ppl spoke up! i suppose this ending sentence will bascially answer to my complaints above. haiz. this is longer than my gp essay. LOL. blogged for an hr, haha... waste time n time is so precious at this moment. hopeless case. but it feels shiok la... haha.
