emo emo emo...
tink i screwed up prelims. =(
wad a good timing U chose!
y did it come after i gave up hope? haiya.

828, haha, significant numbers...

Vivian imagined this on 23:47

Cant do GP
Cant do Physics
Cant do Maths
Cant do Chemistry
Cant do Economics
U simply cant accomplish anything!!
Can u tell me wad u r good at? sleeping?? :(

Vivian imagined this on 20:59

Wah... today very 偶像剧。。。
anw, i set to start/finish econs by today. in the end, i only completed j1's work in the 8hrs spent... talk la, talk somemore... :(
woke up early to chiong thermal physics today so tt i can end physics. took 3plus hours, and yet to finish... hais...
im seriously behind time!

Vivian imagined this on 22:26

A 9 years old boy in hong kong scoring 2 As for A level H2 and H3 mathematics. Oh My. dis is so freaky! he's such a genius. i cant imagine myself struggling to strive for the A grade for maths n here is dis young little boy with an A. insane! vivian, even a 9 years old can do it, y cant u?!
sunday is 七夕！but anw, kai yun test said tt if im gg to spend it, gotta be careful of accident. so, jus stay at home and study la! =(
hm, like wad i told jo jus now, my heart v 不安！惊惊lei. she told me 不在惊, but how to? aiya, im jus thinking too much la, like wad i usually am.. 口是心非，心口不一？(i hope not, n am not!!) then i received 2 alphabets msg, i got more 惊! haiz...
then study wise, 惊惊惊惊惊!! seeing the chiongster, i can gladly go bang wall...

Vivian imagined this on 22:49

Vivian imagined this on 18:26

spent 18 out of the 24hrs online for sun. break record liao. i actually slept at 5am despite the fact that ho, jo n i went taka to study in the day. hais, only studied for 3 hrs, we spent more time shopping than studying. the coffeebean waiter jus came infinitely (act approx. 7 times only) to tell us not to study there. N he kept he target on ho for the 3 hrs, haha. jus spoilt the studying mood. wanted to go lib, but can see the unwillingness on their faces, so 4get it. anw, finally bought the goodbye card for ms lee.
good news, i finally found the truth to the queries n tots tt had been disturbing me since mths ago. actually, quite expected, jus tt vivian is one weird individual tt will only believe when she get the actual account of them. i felt my shoulders relieved and i was neither upset nor emo abt it. guess i had got over it long before i tot i did. but this stupid devil, been trying to convince/psycho vivian to feel 'ouch' for the whole of today. Get Lost la, devil!! the angel in me is too strong to be defeated, dun even try!! Angel says Vivian can now set her mind on As and only As. =)

我的心内感觉人生的沉重 不敢来振动
我不是好子嘛不是歹人 我只是爱眠梦
我不愿随浪随风飘浪西东 亲像船无港
我不愿做人奸巧钻缝 甘愿来作憨人
我不是头脑空空 我不是一只米虫
人啊人 一世人要安怎欢喜过春夏秋冬
我有我的路 有我的梦
梦中的那个世界 甘讲伊是一场空
我走过的路 只有希望
希望你我讲过的话
放在心肝内总有一天
看到满天全金条要煞无半项 环境来戏弄
背景无够强天才无够弄 逐项是拢输人
只好看破这虚华不怕路歹行 不怕大雨淋
心上一字敢面对我的梦 甘愿来作憨人
我不是头脑空空 我不是一只米虫
人啊人 一世人要安怎欢喜过春夏秋冬
我有我的路 有我的梦
梦中的那个世界 甘讲伊是一场空
我走过的路 只有希望
希望你我讲过的话
放在心肝内总有一天

Vivian imagined this on 22:10

ARGH! today is the kenna bully day huh?!
actually had lot to say, but after toking to marcus (complaining all the time), sorta vented out most of my frustrations over some ppl.
a theory of life: be kind and u get the blame n trouble upon urself?!
before i start complaining again, i guess no one will understand dis entry except jo n mayb ling will understand some of it. N sry to 'those' who read this when u are not meant to, hope it wont cause hurt in any sense. but nth's wrong with me complaining in my OWN blog.
it all started from trying to be nice and help 某人. y was i so partial? carrying the tot tt it shld be fair n credits shld go to those tt did tried to do sth. but im wondering, Vivian, were u tt helpful cos u sticked to ur principle or was it over some dumb reason?! wadever the case, im starting to sense the favoritism tt i once believed she said she dont practice.

the story goes:
It was breaktime in the canteen when Vivian was bombarded with smses from her HT.
the lastest msg states: 'can u tell me who r the leaders for the hdb cip?'
Vivian's reply: 'me, jo, ling, 有人, james, 某人'
cher's reply: '某人? how so? wad abt stef?'
Vivian's OS: 'LOL! 某人 was suaned!! haha. but wad has it gotta do with stef?'
Vivian decided to take the cleverest move (not sure if it was), to show the sms to 某人 and get him to teach me how to reply, to avoid misunderstanding so tt i wont get the blame. haiz, then 某人 jus gave me the emo look and said sth like "if she dun tink i was the leader, then let it be lor"
Vivian's OS: "wads ur prob? tt time u were whining abt y u wasnt the leader, then now? smart la, push everything back to me again. n then u emo, now i dunno if i did the right thing."

In cls, after she dismissed everyone. she called for stef, james n i to stay back. i knew clearly tt it was sth to do with cip.
her 1st qn: 'how did 某人 got involved as one of the leaders?'
Vivian's reply: 'i was toking to him online, n he said he dun mind joining us in planning.'
her 2nd qn: 'why wasnt stef involve in the planning?'
Vivian's OS: 'y do u ask me? shouldnt u ask stef tt? he shld noe it best!'
Vivian's reply: 'cos i tot initially u put ling, james n I to be in-charge'
her reply: 'and stef!'
Vivian totally 4got y stef wasnt part of the team, she only rmbed tt cher did say get him to help out. it was when Vivian talked to marcus tt she realised she did msg stef for all planning sessions n he jus didnt attend them. so the cls cant possibly delay the cip cos of him alone. we have to move on. mayb tt was y he was left out.
Vivian's reply: 'hm, i did pass down a piece of paper for the cls to indicate if they want to jus participate in the cip or also help in planning'
wad i hate most is to see him giving tt 'innocent, act cute look', as if the entire world shld be blamed except him. then everything also 'i dunno! got meh?' then james, he jus sat there, kept quiet. wad is dis, forcing me to face them all alone?
stef's said: 'huh. got orh?'
I felt so lucky at tt time tt i packed the cip file so as to use it for chem.
Vivian's reply: 'i tink i still have the piece of paper.'
N Vivian won! haha... silence was all tt remained... (it makes me happy when jo, ling n marcus 'wow' over wad i said, haha)
moving on...
she said: 'hm u all need to write a report for the cip'
Vivian's reply: 'huh, i wrote it long time ago, it's with mr tan.' (tt was like the fourth to fifth time Vivian has told her tt)
she then said: 'oh ok, but for marymount also have to write. so mayb the 3 of u can...' after a few secs, 'so who's gg to write?'
Silence once again... obviously it will be Vivian who is gg to write it since the 2 of them didnt even go for it.
So Vivian said: 'I'll write.'
END of story.

so Vivian end up having to do everything herself again. she's v thankful to jo hsuan for being so nice, willing to help her with the proposal while she writes the report. Thank You!
wad i dun understand is y was she so concerned over stef not being one of the leaders n questioning 某人 to be a leader? to me, i even put 有人 down as one of the leaders, so it's only fair to include 某人 too since he contributed much more s compared to 有人. if we seriously wants to draw a clear line, i tink jo n i shld deserve the credits. we didnt whine nor complain abt how much we have to do while the rest jus sat there, slack and gets the title. (lingling, i noe tt u did want to help jus tt u were busy with fencing, so dun take it to heart k!) so weighing it, more unfair to jo n i or to stef?? all thanks to 某人, i got all this dumb stupid stuff upon myself n ruin my entire day. worse, reminding me of how i was exploited last year over pw, project sphere and so on, even in cca... I had the responsibilities all on me. with regards to cip, for good or bad, ASK VIVIAN! wah! wad easy 2 words to be used. One man show is not sth fun to work with. do i look tt kind or rather good to be bullied?!
I'm sry to say, but wads the purpose of a pccg? y did i end up being the one responsible for both cls cip. I'm jus a nobody in cls... a child at one small corner of her own. nobody knows or understands her. an individual tt is afraid n feels really bad criticising ppl as she knows tt she's not perfect either. but i tink she has reached her limit, she needa vent them all out. get dis clear, u'r the pccg, a role much more prestigious than a rep. so y aint u fulfilling ur duty yet fighting over the role s a rep? mayb u meant well, u are just being helpful, n i pretty much believe tt's jus the case n grateful for ur helpfulness. but sometimes u shld jus learn to draw the line.
mayb i was jus too sensitive (which i always am), but i did have dis feeling tt she was picking on me. gauging from the girls getting roles while im the only one with none. but i took it easy, since it means a better sch life, no committment n mayb i jus think too much. jo said today tt wasnt i the chinese rep. yes, i was, but it was cos of the CL t'cher, she recognised me. anw, i tink tt time will prove everything. n time did prove my capability through pw, it was then that she starts to recognise me n i thanks her for tt. for the many encouragements she gave during ptm, n the helps in gp. so 4get the past. it was only until today that the past revisited me n reminded me of the several struggles n lonely encounters last yr.

bullying comes altogether. im typing under the lamp now cos my bro refused to keep the light on, complaining tt it will affect his eyesight cos he's gg to slp. FINE! then maths society president sms to ask abt the othello comp. hello, y me? 3 organisers n u chose to ask me. In the bright side, mayb i look more responsible n trustable. tsktsk.. but it might jus be tt im easily bullied.
marcus said: 'a heart of gold is of a heavy weight'. hm, lets c... he said i shld jus stand up and fight for my RIGHTS. tts so true, wad was i afraid of?? mayb im jus afraid of being laughed at, criticised or worst, being ignored. it's all jus a matter of face. the thickness of my skin jus dun come at the right time. tts all i can blame myself on. Like wad the speaker had said in the career talk today, speaking up is more impt than anything else. U fail to speak up, u fail to survive. So stop BMW-ing abt y u r the one doing everything and sticking to ur post while the one tt does nth gets all the promotions. BLAME IT ON YOURSELF! because ppl spoke up! i suppose this ending sentence will bascially answer to my complaints above. haiz. this is longer than my gp essay. LOL. blogged for an hr, haha... waste time n time is so precious at this moment. hopeless case. but it feels shiok la... haha.

Vivian imagined this on 22:20