K, im here to blog or rather im trying to vent out everything from inside. so if u could, dun even bother reading dis entry cos i dun realli wanna affect ur mood... for no particular reason, im feeling rather depress inside now, i jus hav to urge to cry (or is it jus beside my eyes r too tired s they hav been opened since 6.30 dis morning)... mayb it was bcos of those shows i watched??Promos is getting nearer, and seriously im v worry... everything seems so hard to understand now and im really really bad in killer physics... for wks, i hav been telling myself to study study study, but wad happen in the end??? i nvr once did it... at this pt in time, i finally understand wad it meant by "words with no action"!!! im feeling stress within and who can i tell?? my mum would say relax girl, dun push urself too hard.. and friends jus think tt im doing fine n is overly paranoid... but im not, i m really really worry... mid-yrs results were fine but i knew it was bcos i scrap through them and luck was by my side. would dis still happen for promos? how i wish... however, i dunno y im losing the momentum to study after mid-yrs. the inner me is saying tt i so want to study and work towards my goals. but the other side of me is simply tired out. can u believe it. i actualli sleep at 10 plus every night for the past few wks... tts so unlike me... but tts for the sake of my health and i dun regret doing tt... wad i dun understand is tt, how can having 8 hrs of slp everyday still make me feel lethargic in class? and im starting to not concentrate during lessons... wad happen?? i dun want to b back to the sec situation. it was miserable then... sch ended at 1pm today and i planned to study, however its once again undone...oso, i would like to apologize to ppl (esp cheryl) if my words abt tests and exams had upset u... i didnt meant it. it's bcos i set v high expectations for myself, i dun mean to grumble on purpose or anything... u can ignore them cos they r actually meant to be used to reprimand myself.ppl always ask me " do u mug?" but how shld i ans? if i say i do, tts not true cos i havent been doing tt constantly... however, if i were to say i dun, im actualli lying cos i do read up when i suffer from insomia at night... but vivian, wads wrong with mugging?? u shld b proud of it, dun u? didnt u quit band jus to focus on ur studies? so wad r u afraid of?? the phrase "i studied" jus seems so hard to come out... cos either i say yes/no, im still lying... so wads the pt...meanwhile, i really admire jo hsuan... she v optimistic and is not easily affected... i hope to learn from her... for the whole yr, since the end of O lvl, i feel myself changed a lot... im no longer tt stubborn and demanding... but i guess this changes still hav to b improved in order to live everyday happily...i may seem/look like im v happy in sch everyday... laughing like siao when im with the girls... but who actualli noe how i feel within?? mayb no one even care abt how i feel... for a v weird reason, jo is my "kai xin guo". she always make my day. i jus feel happy and laughters jus come naturally when i c her...and i discover sth tt day when i accompany jo to mr tan office... i realise i fulfil 5 symptoms of depression... but wads ironical is tt how can a depress person noe tt she is depress... mayb im jus thinking too much.yup, and to add on, my cls had a new phy relief t'cher... and i really dunno y, i feel tt my phys is gonna be hopeless... since the start of term 3, im totally lost for phys... im totally blur for waves n superposition... Arg!!!and last night, i actually had a dream of me failing chemistry... i hav been telling myself to relax... but in fact, im already overly relaxed... spending most of my time on shows... k, finalli the 9pm show ended and the ending was to my expectation... v happie... but would the end of the show pushes me to study or would i be hook on the new show on this upcoming mon?Haiya, this whole entry jus seems totally senseless... im contradicting myself... Am i lost of wad?? whenever i qn myself, i would find a soln for myself... but the prob lies with, would i adapt that soln??i only hav a qn for myself. "What do i really want??" (a nice A lvl cert or jus make it to NUS/SMU since accountancy/business studies only require a pass in o lvl a maths..) anyway, after so much... i do feel better now... Phew... its 12am now and its a brand new day... a new beginning... the above would be left as history!! Rmb : "tml will be better!" =D
Vivian imagined this on 23:28
